


Hypothetically, I'm a Role Model

by madasthesea



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Genre: Fluff, Gen, Humor, over-use of the word 'hypothetical'
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-12
Updated: 2017-12-12
Packaged: 2019-02-13 20:29:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12991920
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/madasthesea/pseuds/madasthesea
Summary: For lack of better options, Tony asks Clint a question about kids.





	Hypothetically, I'm a Role Model

**Author's Note:**

> Just a drabble about Tony's insecurities, cause that's a fun subject.

Mornings had been experiments in awkwardness since the rogue Avengers had moved back into the compound in the face of the imminent galactic threat. Mostly, when they were around each other, they just trained and ran strategy simulations, and talking was limited for both. The communal kitchen, however, was a different kind of battle ground, filled with small talk and skillfully ignoring the elephant in the room.

This morning, Tony crept into the kitchen warily, dreading one of those mornings where everyone’s insomnia had led them all to the coffee maker at the same time. Instead, he found only Clint, who was just filling up his own mug.

Relieved, Tony padded up to the counter, holding out his mug, which Clint filled with a nod of greeting. That would usually be that, if were just the two of them. Clint was a pretty quiet guy, especially in the mornings while he was still half asleep, and Tony was content to ruminate in silence. Today, however, Tony said an actual thank you and then bit the bullet.

“I have a question for you.” Clint lowered his mug, blinking at Tony.

“For me specifically?”

“Yeah.”

“Why?” Clint asked slowly, sounding apprehensive, as if he suspected Tony of playing a prank on him.

Tony tried to act casual, raising his mugs to his lips, speaking very quickly, and then immediately taking a large gulp. “Because you’re the only person I know who’s got kids.”

Clint stared at him, then reached up and started fiddling with his hearing aids without breaking eye contact.

“They’re working fine, you idiot, I made them myself. You heard me correctly,” Tony snapped, setting his mug down with a little more force than he’d intended.

“Tony,” Clint said, looking surprisingly grave, “do you have a kid none of us know about?”

“No! Would you just listen, birdbrain?”

“Ok… So, a parenting question even though you’re not a parent. Cool, cool,” Clint said, and honestly, how had this man been a spy and not died the first second he talked to a mark? He was terrible at hiding just how weirded out by this conversation he really was.

“Well, sort of. A hypothetical… mentoring from a distance? type question,” Tony hedged. That seemed to pique Clint’s interest. He seated himself at the island and leaned on the counter, looking at Tony expectantly.

“So, let’s say, just for the fun of it, that there was this—completely non-existent, hypothetical— _kid_. Actually, let’s make him a teenager—formative years and all that,” Tony rambled, gesturing wildly. Clint nodded with a raised eyebrow that made Tony feel utterly ridiculous, but he plowed on.

“And he’s a good kid, a smart kid, but for some absurd, unknowable reason and despite manifold attempts by the authority figures in his life, the person he chose to admire and imitate was someone like… well, like me.” Tony grit his teeth, feeling a blush rise to his cheeks. He was so bad at stuff like this, like being open, that even this thinly disguised ‘hypothetical question’ was making him feel cut open; bisected and exposed, ready to be examined.

“Like a superhero? That’s not that weird,” Clint said, but there was a glint in his eye that made Tony think he was being played. He carried on regardless.

“Yeah, well… no. More like… genius scientist, who also happens to be an alcoholic, anxious, philanderer who manages to ruin everything he… just—” He cut himself off, clenching his left hand to hide the slight tremor he could never quite banish. “Someone like me, Barton. What would you say… I mean—that’s bad, right? For a kid to look up to?”

Clint rubbed at his eye for a second, and then looked down at his empty mug and sighed. “Ok, I’m going to be honest here, and then we’re going to pretend this never happened.”

“Please,” Tony agreed, nodding eagerly.

“You’re a good man, Tony. You’ve got a good heart and good instincts and you’re kind of reckless, but it usually turns out alright in the end. You had a messed up childhood and I know how much that can screw you up, cause I had one too and it makes you do dumb crap. But you try harder than anyone I’ve ever met to make up for the mistakes you’ve made in the past. And I think for a kid, who’s going to make mistakes, sometimes huge mistakes, it’s important to know that they can always come back and… be Iron Man.”

Tony swallowed hard, not able to look Clint in the eye.

“And I think having you in their corner would make any kid turn out right,” Clint finished. Then he stood, dumped his mug in the sink and made to leave. He stopped in the doorway and turned back around.

“What’s this kid’s name?”

Tony sniffed and made a shrugging gesture. “Well, he’s a hypothetical kid, so he doesn’t have one. He’s not even necessarily a ‘he,’” Tony hedged. Clint gave him a blank, unimpressed look.

“But, I suppose we could, hypothetically, call him Peter,” Tony amended. Clint smile a bit and nodded, then disappeared around the corner.

 

Three weeks later, Tony introduces Spider-Man to the rest of the team. The kid’s looking around wide-eyed, in awe of everything at the compound despite having been there before, and only just manages to avoid running into Clint, who’s standing in the middle of the hallway Tony was showing Peter down.

“Oh, sorry,” the kid stammers out.

“No problem, Peter,” Clint says, smirking when the articulated eyes on Spider-Man’s mask go huge. Peter looks at Tony, who’s grimacing but quickly shakes his head, telling Peter that he didn’t tell Clint.

“I’m a super spy, man. ‘Hypothetical questions’ aren’t really going to fool me.” Clint claps Peter on the shoulder and leaves, hearing the kid ask Stark what he meant by hypothetical questions, which Tony refused to answer.

Spider-Man would be just fine, with Tony keeping an eye on him.


End file.
